Work feels like the pits these days.  It’s really been quite a busy stretch for the past few months.  As good as I usually am at avoiding work, I’ve been putting up almost 300 hour months since December.  I got through one trial — and got good experience — and have another one looming.  We’re so behind.

But I’ve found it quite hard to concentrate.  My eye is definitely not on the ball.  I find every excuse to pop up my head and do other things.  Lately, I’ve been doing more research to plan out the specific activities on our honeymoon.  We’re visiting quite a few countries and want to make the most out of our trip.

The combination of being not motivated at work and looking elsewhere to fill a void has caused me to do a little introspection.  I’m great at fantasizing about what I’d do if I have free time, but when presented with it, I rarely make the most of it.  Maybe I’m just decompressing.  But I feel like I really need to be more proactive about learning what drives me.  What am I passionate about?  I don’t even know.  That got me thinking.  Then I noticed that sometimes I do things without really thinking about the underlying reason.  Like why did I focus so much on where to eat during our honeymoon?  Some people just go to an all inclusive and eat what they feed you.  I realized that, for me, eating good food can be like a spiritual awakening.  I’ve had a couple of glimpses in the past of true greatness — where I felt like I was in a state of euphoria — and I suppose I’m just searching for that feeling.  That’s why a frugal person like me is willing to plunk down a few hundred dollars for a world class meal (on rare occasion).  At least that’s 1 thing I care about.  It’s not unique or anything, but at least it’s something I learned about myself.

That line of thought made me think what else I could be passionate about.  Going to new places means I can try new things.  Why not try things that other people are really passionate about?  Scuba falls in this category.  I rarely come across a legit opportunity to go scuba diving, so I’m going to give it a go this time.  I actually hate swimming, but mostly due to the breathing issues, so scuba is probably OK.  Even if it’s not my new passion, at least I’m exploring something new.

Maybe when I’m financially independent, I can finally unshackle myself from my current position and throw myself into something I’m passionate about.  Until then, I guess I’ll have to keep my head down and roll with the punches.

BTW, our total net worth hit $900K!  This will be reflected in NWIQ after mid month when I usually update it.  We’re sooo close, I can almost taste the freedom!

2 thoughts on “Malaise

  1. What is your final networth goal going to be? The 900k you have now is the higher end of the early retirement nest eggs.

    I think when your done, you should take a year (or more) long round the world traveling sabbatical and just try every and any thing. cooking classes, salsa dancing, scuba diving, martal arts, art classes, woodworking workshops. You’ll so much about yourself.

    • Probably north of 1.2. That gets us to 4% of our current spending in our high COL area. Plus, I’d rather bump up our non-retirement assets so we don’t have to tap 401k, etc.

      It’s funny you mention the RTW trip. Just this morning I was telling my wife that we should save up enough frequent mile points to take a free RTW trip. That would probably coincide with the amount of time to get to our number!

      Great suggestions!

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